Another night ...

.. of my inability to sleep. Plus I'm feeling emotional so I'm listening to slow mushy songs. Thanks to the amazing Uzo, I realise now that I'm not the only one that o'ds on music that will expunge the intensity of my feelings.

Music is my companion tonight. I can't remember the last time I slept to music. I used to every night but I stopped.

I'm thinking of emancipation. I'm thinking of all the things you put up with when you're forced to tolerate other people's whims. I'm feeling all "dark and twisty inside". I'm going through some stuff with someone I can't talk about, haven't talked about with anyone. I'm warring with the concept of unconditional love with indifference tugging at my heels and weighing me down. I feel like the current of events are pushing me towards a finality that is inevitable. On some level, I wish I was a 3rd party who could go to this person and say "Be careful! Watch it, Stop it, Fix it! You will lose her! And there will be no going back from it". However I'm not and with the situation clouding my judgement, I've lost whatever fight I had. I cannot fight for this relationship any longer.

I need to sleep. I have to be up super early tomorrow.

My no 2 favourite thing about this time of year? The time you have to reflect on your life and where it is going.