The Adventures of Noni in Nigeria - Part 1

Ok I’ve been meaning to write this for a while but life got in the way … Now I have a lot of other things I want to write about so I’m going to have to condense this to one post. Loll – we’ll see how long it becomes.

Arrival at Murtala Mohammed.

My flight there was actually quite good. After my my nightmare taxi journey, I found a lounge to sleep for a bit then woke up as they were boarding, and slept for the whole flight. We landed and customs + luggage retrieval was a breeze. I had my stuff together in 45mins. However, (yeah the however bit) I had to wait for my cousin who was coming on a different flight. We were both staying in the same place so I couldn’t leave without her (though I might as well have). First her flight was delayed, then it took about 2hrs to get her luggage out. I’d been waiting in one side and I made friends with one of the airport/customs guys. He was very nice. He kindly took me out (where I found the driver and deposited my stuff) and into the other side where my cousin was waiting (and I didn’t even have to bribe him!). I think it’s soo cool how you can get away with that - just like last year, I realised at the airport that my passport had expired. A quick phone call and someone came and walked me through immigration and customs. Nigerian national security measures, gotta love it.

Anyways – after waiting 3 extra hours for my wretched cousin, we finally got out and headed home to VGC.

First Night Out

We got home sometime after 11. It’s become a pattern now, the very first night I get in, I drop my bags, say hello to my uncle & aunt, have dinner with them, change and then head out to a party. This year was no different :-D

Loll, call it hard core or whatever but I start as I mean to continue. We ended up getting to the party at about 1.30am. It was a good party in that I saw everyone I needed to see and got their numbers. I got a lot of ribbing about being a rocker by force but hey! (shrug).


Day 1

I had my first engagement. My friend’s brother was getting married. I had to go to the tailors first to get fitted so got there at about 11. Spent an hour getting the outfit adjusted and then got dressed there and headed to the venue. I got there quite early as they were dancing the groom in. I joined in the throng as I had the aso ebi. I forgot that in Nigeria, you have to have cash on you at all times. There’s always someone(s) to settle. I was going to be sitting in this hall so I didn’t think I would need to spend any money. I was carrying this tiny little purse which had my powder and lip gloss so I left my wallet and other stuff in the car. As we were going in, the bride’s family hijacked the doorway and said we had to deposit money as we danced in. I just smiled and mouthed apologies as I danced past – sorry oh!

I’m beginning to feel like a foreigner. At all the wedding/engagement things I went to, I went on my own. For this one, I only knew my friend and she was really busy running around a lot. I also didn’t know any of the other young people in the aso-ebi, my friend lives in the states so I didn’t know any of her other friends. I found a seat somewhere in the middle and sat to watch the proceedings. One thing I have noticed is people always think it’s weird in Nigeria, if you go anywhere on your own. Even my friend asked who I was coming with. It’s like an alien concept to think you’d go anywhere on your own; especially if you’re a woman. I’m fine as long as I know at least one person there. Even if I don’t, I’m comfortable enough in my own skin to do my thing. I would also make an effort to meet people and talk to them. Unfortunately Nigerian society isn’t conducive to talking to people you don’t know or aren’t introduced to. I am sometimes guilty of that, at parties I don’t dance with people I don’t know. If a random guy came up to me, I would talk to him but would find it a turn-off if he started hitting on me. Plus like someone commented, only the razzoids have the balls to come and talk to you. The nice guys always respect themselves – cos they don’t want to get abuse. I’m all for guys having balls and making a move but at the same time, please know your place. Loll – I’m aware I sound like a snob but it’s the truth or at least my truth.

Anyways, I spent most of my time at the engagement watching the proceedings as they grilled the groomsmen, then the bride came in with her crowd and they did all the hula hula. I left shortly afterwards as I was tired and I had a dinner party later that evening.

Night 2

My friend had an intimate dinner party with about 8 people. It was really nice as I met some of her other friends. She said the dress code was comfortable but nice so I wore a black dress with some fabulous shoes. I went with Vickii, who was wearing jeans and a camisole (the girl lives in jeans). We arrived at the same time as some of the other guests – 2 guys and a girl. The girl was wearing jeans and a cute top. I’m describing what the girls wore because as soon as I saw her, my heart sank, thinking - Oh no! I’m over dressed. I should have worn jeans as well. She’s probably going to start acting like a bigger chick (Bigger Chicks – Nigerian girls who try to cover up their lack of style by wearing casual clothes – read uniform of jeans and plain t-shirts - and spend their time sneering at other people who are still running around wearing scandalous clothes (basically anything that isn’t completely covered up). Unfortunately, I’m of the "work with what you've got" mentality. I wear a lot of low cut outfits). I started mentally preparing myself to deflect any sly jibes and be polite as I didn’t want to have to be rude and cause a scene.

However, I was very pleasantly surprised when she came up, said hi and was generally very pleasant, friendly and engaging. Nice Nigerian girls do exist! We spent the night just talking about life in general, adjusting to moving back, struggling to work and the attitudes of day-to-day people. (Mental note to self – start having dinner parties again in London).

After dinner, some of us went to Saipan, which was shit. I really don’t like that place. It’s too crowded, too noisy, and too full of stupid people. Plus the drinks are astronomical! Last year, I went there for the first time. I went with a bunch of girls, and headed straight to the bar as soon as we’d done the rounds (doing the rounds - going round the joint saying hi to the multitude of people you know, and quick stepping the ones who like to feel familiar (loll – just kidding!) I mean the ones who like to front). I ordered a bottle of wine figuring we’d find a table somewhere to sit. They came out with some cheap bottle and handed me a bill of N5,000. Quick mental calculation and I balked. £20??? £20 for that??? I wouldn’t pay £3 for that bottle in London!!! WTF??? After that, I remembered why you should always have guys around in Nigeria to pay for stuff. (See what the place does to me? One day and I come over all sexist). After that night, I resolved not to go there again. I’m sorry but I’m, not trying to impress anybody so I don’t see why I should go somewhere to pay stupid prices for drinks just to feel among. If I must go, someone else can have the pleasure of taking me.

Again like last year, we found a table in the restaurant away from the crowd and sat there with our drinks. From time to time, we’d get up to people watch but mainly spent the evening chatting amongst ourselves. I did have some random,45yr old, married man, with 4 kids (ok made that detail up but I’m sure it’s true) trying to chat me up and wanting my number so he could call me when he’s in London to “catch up”. Loll – dude, I don’t know you! What will we be catching up on??

From Saipan, we went to Bacchus. Yet another place I detest. It is a tiny little hole packed with 3 times its standard capacity. To now compound it, they’ve cut out little rooms from the already little space there is, to use as “VIP” sections. Due to some not soo sharp people around me, I had to pay to enter. Loll – ok I’m not cheap, really I’m not, I just don’t believe in throwing money away especially for something I KNOW I’m not going to enjoy. We stayed all of 15 mins before leaving and going home. Never again. (Said that last year but this time I mean it).

Ok this is taking a lot longer than I expected so I’ll break it off here. Part 2 coming up soon.