The Adventures of Noni in Nigeria – Part 2

Day 4

Ok I skipped day 3 cos I didn’t really do anything that day. I hung out with some of the VGC massive (VGC Massive – group of friends (mainly from London) who live in VGC and whom I roll with when we’re heading out at night) and chilled at home. Later for dinner, my uncle took us to this Chinese restaurant in VGC club where they do THE BEST PEPPER CHICKEN EVER!!! I’m salivating just thinking about it. (It’s the crispy chicken pieces. Number 55? or is 56? in their menu. Amazing!)

So day 4 was the actual date of my friend’s brother wedding. I wore trad and tied my gele myself. It looked good! Kinda big but good! (First time I’ve done that. I was soo proud! :-D)

I must have been looking “delectable” cos one of those old dignitaries stopped me to say “I like your dress”. I just cringed inwardly, mumbled thanks and walked off. That kinda of attention I don’t need. Much less the photographer man who stopped me cos he wanted to take a photo of my gele. If I appear in any stupid Nigerian paper/magazine, I’ll shoot myself, I swear.

The reception was nice, the party favours were nice (someone really went all out with things like fans, scented candles, little purses, bath salts, chocolates). I was really impressed. I went on my own again but saw a lot more people I knew so it wasn’t too bad. I left shortly after my friend caught the bouquet, followed by the men with the talking drums that I had to “do New Year” for.

Later on that night, I went to a house party that Vickii (rocker that she is) dragged me to. It was quite nice, they served some lethal cocktails and the music was good.


Day 5

Day 5 was a Sunday and I had to go to church with my family. It’s about the only time in the year that I go. Seeing as I got home about 5 and had to get up 7.30, I wasn’t in the most alert state of mind. Add to the fact that I have a low attention span, I ended up sleeping through most of the sermon. :-D I think I got the main gist of it anyway.

I do this every year. Last year, I went to some party the night before and didn’t get in till 7 am. I then had to quickly get ready and head out to church. My little cousin sat next me so she could prod me whenever we had to stand up, sit down (I was sleeping on my feet as well), pray or anything! Lolll. After church, we went to a family friend’s get-together (parent’s party) and I grabbed some cushions and fell asleep on the floor (they really can’t take me anywhere).

Anyways, after church this year, we went to another aunt’s place for lunch and then back home. This was New Years Eve and I had no plans. My uncle and aunt went for their night vigil and I didn’t know what I was going to do. I went to the park with the VGC Massive for the fireworks. Bloody, fucking illiterate, touts, layabouts, whose parents should be whipped for not sending them to school, were lighting fireworks AND SHOOTING THEM INTO THE CROWDS. I swear one exploded right above my head, and there were children all around me! I was soo mad. Illiteracy is a sin! (As I kept shouting out). People that cannot read simple instructions about how to light fireworks shouldn’t be allowed to have any! Infact, they should just have seized any personal fireworks and added it to the display collection, with set people to light them. Bloody nincompoops. You can’t imagine how annoyed I was that day. You couldn’t even sit and enjoy the display (and I LOVE fireworks – I’m like a little child) for fear that some oloshi, ode jati jati, bastard was going to throw a banger near you (seriously what is the point of those things) or launch a rocket into your crowd. I left after a while because I couldn’t take it anymore. As I was driving off, I was just waiting for some banger to go off near my car or something. I found a big stick in the park and I was ITCHING to FLOG someone. Idiots.

So yeah, lolll, I went back home after the fireworks, sat with some friends and just chilled the New Year in. We swigged some champagne, sent a few texts, made a few calls and went to bed. This is the first time in however long that I didn’t go to a party after 12 (I like to stay in till 12, and then head out). I must be growing old. :-)


New Years Day

Was like any other. It was quite chilled. I went to the hotel (previously Meidan now Nicon) with the VGC massive and we sat by the pool having drinks.

We were chilling when these two girls came up to the bar and sat by the front of the pool. There were two men sitting towards the back, close to the changing rooms. I looked at the girls with interest because I was curious to see if they were just hanging out like us (you know, gearing up to being friendly as I hadn’t seen them around before). I saw that one of them had thick black eyeliner on her lips. (In this day and age, why? I ask you, why??? That style was in fashion over a decade ago! It is called eye-liner for a reason! (No bloody cosmetics manufacturer makes black lip liner!). Even then, if you must use it on your lips, it’s called BLENDING. But no, you see girls with the thick defined black line on their lips – in what planet is that attractive???). The other girl had some slightly on the short side, trousers, so I knew these were local girls.

They got up and went to the changing rooms so I thought – oh they may actually be the staff or know someone who works there. One of them came back and sat down to brush her hair for like 20 mins (this was her hair, no weave, attachments nothing) and was pouting into her mirror. Realisation started to dawn on me. I then said out loud – “if that girl comes out of the changing rooms in a bikini, then she is a prostitute” and true to my words, she did. She wore this flowery bikini with one of those small crochet/lace shawls with tassels barely covering her hips. (Please don’t get me wrong – I don’t think that any girl who wears a bikini in Lagos is a prostitute, it was just more fitting in this instance). The girl proceeded to wiggle her hips to the end of the pool where the men were sitting, back to the front to her friend, and then back again to the end of the pool before jumping in. (I am never swimming in that pool – because it means anyone can just walk off the street and spread whatever nasty infection they may have).

Later that evening, I went to Churassco (spelling?). It was a really nice bar with some good cocktails. I know too many people – lolll it took me almost an hour to do the rounds and even then I still kept bumping into people all night. The first person I saw however, soon as I walked in, was Sadeeq. Totally the last person I expected to see in Nigeria. A little awkward cos the last time I saw him was the night I got really drunk at a friend’s leaving party and started harassing him for making out with my friend (ahhh I never did write a post about that). I didn’t have any emotional pangs though so that was good!

I also saw married man who is the guy who’s wedding I went to, and who was hitting on me a year latter (You don’t know my wife, she doesn’t you … Dude! I was at your wedding!!!!). He was there with his wife this time so he just said a very short hi. Lolll, Nigerian men!

Part 3 coming up.