Good Girls vs Bad Girls

Ok so almost a month since I updated. Apologies to those of you that still come to my page and those of you that sent in for invitations. I am useless I know! Ok this time, the problem is facebook! I should actually blog about the ills of facebook hmmmm..... Apologies to all my favourite bloggers - I haven't been on your pages in yonks either because I cant read blogs and not write and I just haven't had time to write or been particularly inclined. However sometimes (times like this) something happens and I find myself thinking of how I would write about it on my blog. I thought it best to actually write it this time before I lose my knack altogether, so here goes.

P.S - I actually started writing a post about the prostitute story but it got very long so I left it and never quite got round to it again - I will try and put it up soon. Plus I've made a few (minor) changes to the layout and made it open access (I am once again feeling brave and open about my life - we'll see how long it lasts!)

Hope you all have a great weekend!

PPS - I wrote a poem - My Man ages ago on my other blog but haven't been able to link to it here cos my widget thing is all funny. I have now written my take on the Degrees of Separation. Please check them out and give me your lovely comments.
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Good Girls vs Bad Girls

I had a “debate” or what I would call an altercation (as it wasn’t quite an argument) with a guy friend the other day. We were talking about a mutual girlfriend, I told him that I had been trying to convince her to get a fuck buddy. His response was “why would you do that? She is one of the good girls! Why are you trying to turn her? That is just wrong!”

I was quite surprised by his reaction. His basic stance is the world of women is split into good girls and bad girls. I as a bad girl, having never been a good girl (or at the very least haven’t been one in a long time), was therefore trying to corrupt my friend, thereby robbing her of her status as a good girl. I grew very quiet and told him that I was almost offended by his statements. I say almost offended because I wasn’t actually annoyed about his opinion of me. True, I am not exactly innocent and can barely recall a time when I ever was. Also true my friend is sweet and one of those nice girls who hasn’t been around the block, so much so that when she first came on the scene, I sought to protect her from the depravity of some of my friends and the worst elements of my social circles. I actually warned this guy in particular to back off and not try anything with her.

What dumbfounds me is that we’re still having this age-old debate about good girls vs bad girls. The issue of morals and the double standards applied for, and by men, have always been a sticking point. One of the things about having several male friends is I hear a lot about what they get up to and who they do it with. A lot of people do ‘undergee’ moves and do it very well. (Undergee (underground) moves = secret hookups). A lot of would-be pious and sanctimonious people are rampant freaks behind closed doors. That is not even the issue for me, each to their own. The issues for me are that according to my friend – “some guys only go for good girls, (usually guys like him who have whored around and are looking to settle down) and those are few and far between”. By corrupting my friend, I am reducing their chances. So basically, it is ok for guys to have slept with as many women as they like and then settle down with the good girl that they deserve. I believe the term for that is “sowing their wild oats”. I know that complaining about the double-standards is tantamount to banging my head on a brick wall, but has anyone thought of what the good girl is getting out of this? I mean she would have kept her panties screwed on tight for years. Maybe loosened up a bit with one or two boyfriends growing up, but that is par on course for current times. So she’s still fairly inexperienced. Hasn’t really explored her sexuality or ever fully got to the stage where she has thoroughly enjoyed sex or even had an orgasm. All of these are the pleasures that can be bestowed to her by her husband. The husband, who having fucked countless women and done every single sex act possible, now feels that he should marry a good girl who isn’t into all that freakiness and “bad stuff”. I may be generalising a little but this is the kind of guy who doesn’t believe his wife should give him blow jobs or that he in turn should go down on her (nasty stuff that only sluts do/demand). I mean the mother of his kids cannot suck dick. That would just be wrong! This is also the kind of guy who would not have thought twice about riding bareback with however many women he came across. Scarily enough, in this day and age, there are still men who have never had any STD checks despite knowing that they have slept with several women without condoms, on countless occasions. To make matters worse, they don’t think there is anything wrong with this statement! These are the guys who want to marry good girls, and all the girls have to show for it is unsatisfactory sex and STDs.

My second issue is the implied notion that bad girls won’t end up with any guys, much less good guys. So because a bad girl may have had one or more purely sexual relationships or flings as some people call it, she is not eligible for the grand prize of a husband. She is seen as decadent and immoral, not the kind of girl to take home to mummy. Never mind that she may be super intelligent, charming, have a great personality, have a great job, and be generally self-sufficient. I know someone is reading this and is thinking if a woman were all that, she would have a boyfriend. You would be surprised. I know several women like this, who are single. For whatever reason (they don’t have the time to meet guys, or the guys they do meet are in awe of them, or feel inadequate in comparison), they don’t have partners and they chose to have fuck buddies. Fuck buddies are good to take the edge off. Men are not the only ones with needs. Take summer for example. The heat rises, hormonal levels increase and all the attractive people come out of the woodwork. Lots of women get extra horny during summer and tend to have more flings. Even without the excuse of the weather, many women like sex and do not feel the need to deprive themselves of it just because they are not in relationships. Women are just as capable of having meaningless sex as men are. But hush, keep that to yourself! We don’t speak about it openly as men have a hard time of accepting that fact.

I think I have become inured to my group of friends, I’ve forgotten that we think differently from the rest of the world or at least those in the wider circles of our stratosphere. I still find it hard to believe that people haven’t evolved past these labels. Can’t we just accept that we have women out there who are basically the same with varying levels of sexual experience without judging them for how they got this experience? Ok please note, I’m not saying marry a prostitute – selling your body for money is a whole other issue (I personally think, if that’s what you have to do to make ends meet then … do what you have to do). But seriously, thinking about it, what makes a bad girl? What is the difference between a girl who has slept with 4 people, 3 of which have been casual sexual relationships and the girl who has had 7 boyfriends in 5 years all of whom she slept with? Which one of them is the “bad girl”? What of the girl who has gone into the double digits in terms of the people she’s slept with but is nice on paper, with the personality to boot in comparison to someone who is a virgin but is very uptight, mean, judgemental with no sense of fun/humour, doesn’t go out to clubs, bars and condemns everyone else (apologies, every woman) who does? It really bothers me when people judge others by their actions alone without taking into account the character of the person and the circumstances involved.

Thinking back to my conversation with the guy, I actually found myself wondering if I was trying to corrupt my girlfriend. My reasons for encouraging her to have a fuck buddy are simply because she hasn’t had sex in a while, she’s horny and she’s not in a relationship and she doesn’t want a boyfriend at the moment. Have I become soo decadent, jaded and immune to I guess normal, moral views that the practical solution to what I see is her problem is to have a fuck buddy? Is there something wrong with me in that respect that I think like that? I am not saying she should sleep around or have casual sex with any random number of men (not that I would judge her if that’s what she wants to do) but I see nothing wrong in having one guy who she gets on well with and with whom she can have no strings sex with whenever she pleases. I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’ve changed my stance about only sleeping with someone I care about (it’s summer, the heat is doing things to me) so I’m not thinking objectively or clearly.

I told my friend that he should go back and think about what he said and how it may have offended me. I know that he wasn’t saying anything he said to be malicious and he wasn’t purposely trying to offend me. He tends to say things without thinking – totally lacks subtlety (I mean this is the guy that asked Vickii if she ever feels bad that she doesn’t have big breasts?) Truth be told, I wasn’t actually offended by what he said, more perturbed. I was perturbed because it disturbs me to think I still have close friends who think like this.