Nakedies

As a full fledged member of the Nakedies, I like to walk around my house naked. Most (if not all) of my female friends, have seen me naked. I wouldn’t say I’m an exhibitionist per say, I just like to feel comfortable at home and that is best with no clothes on. As I also sleep naked, I only ever put on clothes when I’m getting dressed to go somewhere or if there are people in the house.

So being the bum I am, I‘ve been lolling about in bed. I was the only one at home as my mum went out. I eventually got up and went to the kitchen to get some food. You have to go through the living room to get to the semi-open planned kitchen in my house. Whilst in there, I heard the key rattling in the lock. My mum knows I walk around naked all the time so I didn’t think much of it.

Next thing I know I heard VOICES. Oh shit. She came back with guest(s). I couldn’t tell if they were male or female. With quick thinking, I grabbed an apron and tied it around me. (N.B – the apron is not man size or particularly large/long. It is one of those teeny ones that we luckily have hanging as decoration – in a bid to make out like we cook). With trepidation I looked out and she was ushering this woman in. The woman sees me and bursts out laughing. My mum who is on the phone gives me a very baleful look and walks by without a word. After saying hi, I gracefully “backed out” and scuttled to my bedroom.

I am sooooo going to get it when the woman leaves. But what the hell man! You would think she would know to give me notice when she’s bringing someone in! Loll – I’m guessing now she will. I don’t even want to think of how bad it would have been if it was a man. Lord!

P.S – just incase you didn’t get it – Nakedies = Ladies who like to walk around their homes naked.

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ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law