Doing things that are bad for you.

I initially started this some days ago and was thinking of silly trivial things like chocolate, shopping and men. After this weekend, I am faced with the difficult question of what do you do when someone you care about is on a self destructive path? Do you stand clear and let them go their own way or try standing in their way and risk getting mowed down in the inevitable downward spiral?


I have a friend who is an alcoholic. A serious alcoholic. I’m not talking about the jokey “oh he drinks a lot and but can hold his liqueur”, or the “he’s been drinking/is drunk but I still feel ok enough to get into a car with him”. I’m talking alcoholic; I’ve never seen him sober, not even at 8.30 in the morning – because he got up at 8 and had a triple cognac chaser to get him going. I’m talking alcoholic – he always has a bottle at work to see him through the day. He doesn’t eat; instead does a bottle or 2 for lunch and dinner. Plus a bottle isn’t just any random alcho-pop like breezers or Alize, or a bottle of wine – these are more like dessert. The main meal is the hard stuff – straight up. Give him the brandy, vodka, whisky – no mixers, no ice. I can tell his liver is feeling the strain – his eyes are slightly jaundiced. His behaviour is eccentric at best – but even that is now erratic – it’s no longer amusing/entertaining eccentricity, it is borderline manic.


I wonder, have his family and friends not noticed? Do people at work not realise? Does no one care? Has anyone tried to stop him? Does he realise he has a problem?


Now I can see that he’s on a very self-destructive path and he has a very real danger of losing it all. So what do I do? As his friend, I care about him and can’t abandon him. As his lover, I cannot consciously say that it is a good idea for me to be involved with someone who has such issues. Particularly because I recognise that I have the tendency. My last job was very stressful and intense. I’d get back home anytime from 12 – 3am and have a glass of wine or some other nightcap to send me to sleep. I woke up one morning and decided to grab some juice before heading out and I found myself instinctively reaching for my vodka. I think I had actually poured the shot when I realised what I was doing. Needless to say, it was a very scary awakening to what I was becoming. Now I’m in no way comparable to my friend, but it all starts from somewhere. What I’m scared off is how easy it could become to blur the lines of what is normal. Is it normal to have a glass or two of wine with meals? Is it normal to get home after a hard day and crack open a bottle? Is it normal to polish off a bottle of wine in one sitting? Is it normal to finish a bottle of liqueur every night? What is normal??


So now I have a problem. Question is – is it my problem? For some reason, I feel responsible for him. I will not abandon him. However, I don’t know if I have the strength or ability to help him.